The Birds and the Bees

The Birds: I used to like humming birds. Beautiful, shiny little things. Flitting about, sugar loving, iridescent birds. I currently LOVE sitting on the deck. The girls love sitting on the deck. The neighbors love hummingbirds. They feed them. The hummingbirds have become attack birds. Dive bombing. Not afraid. Death birds. Like torpedo your head, fly through your hair killer birds. It is difficult to teach your children to be fearless while I’m screaming in fear of birds IN MY HAIR. I felt ridiculous and only wanted a tennis racket. And seriously? They are like the size of large butterflies. Gag.

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The Bees: I’ve never liked bees, yet at the same time I’ve also never been afraid. The worst that can happen is a sting right? Wrong. The worst thing that can happen is having a bee, with a vendetta against your family, trapped in your van, with your children strapped in their safety belts. I even ran away from the van and though I lured it away from the girls, it flew back in when I rushed the drivers seat! I ended up leaving the girls on the curb, speeding around the parking lot and then pulling them in the drivers side door while the bee dive bombed our windows! Seriously? Gooner, while strapped into her booster, nail falling off and bleeding, was stung. At one point we were all screaming and possibly crying. The bee continued to follow us throughout the parking lot and I needed those girls safely out of my lap and in their seats. Stupid bee. And then the rain came.  I have NEVER been so excited to stand in the rain and help my girls. It was tragic. DSCN0606

The Birds and the Bees: Apparently Gooner (5) learned about the actual birds and the bees during show and tell today. One of her friends brought a vet kit for show and tell…Complete with animals…that birth their babies. Thankfully she didn’t understand it all. According to Gooner: “Mommy’s poop our their babies. Some of them have them out of a different hole… where you probably pee from.” Awesome. I’m not sure if I dodged a bullet or not. I’m not certain why the teacher didn’t stop this informational show and tell. I liked the girl that brought her stuffed animal to share better.DSCN0610

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Categories: Crazy Town, Education, Gooner, Parenting | Tags: , | Leave a comment

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