And then she was gone.

Illness. My Grandma died yesterday. It was her time. She’s in the arms of Jesus. She wanted to go.

I’m pretty certain all these things are supposed to make me feel better. And they do. But.

For the past 3 or 4 years every visit was deemed the last. For her 90th birthday, almost 5 years ago, we had a party.  I would call this the beginning of the end. The cousins even joked that the next time we would all be together again would be her funeral. Gone are the days of talk – for this is real. She’s breathed her last.

I wasn’t ready. Emotionally. Oh believe me, I’m so glad she’s no longer in pain. She wanted to go. She was done. But I’ll never again hear her say, “Well hello Laura.”I’d tell her I loved her and she’d act all nervous and tell me she loved me too.

You see, my Grandma was blunt and tactless. The apple doesn’t fall very far does it? I still remember the day she looked over at me and told me I should cut off all my hair because hair is gross. I took a moment, reflected on my blonde locks, and told her to get over it. She smiled. I smiled. And we continued on our journey to the mail box. Getting the mail was one of those things we did together. And if her knees were bothering her, she’d wave at me as I walked by.

When people invest in your life, and then they are gone, you can’t help but look at the past. And smile. Smile for all the ice cream for breakfast. Endless chickens plucked. Summer days by the creek. Dirt cooking in a play house. Worlds largest fan of April Fools. My first pen-pal.

My Grandma was born in 1919. Black people didn’t marry white people. I was nervous about her meeting Q. I shouldn’t have.

I’m missing the funeral. My heart feels as if it is being squeezed by a giant, so tightly that my jaw aches, as if sucking a lemon lolly. She’s already gone. My last goodbye and hug was in fact, our last goodbye.

She reached her arms to Jesus.

They gave her 24 hours to live.

And then she was gone.

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Categories: Uncategorized | 9 Comments

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9 thoughts on “And then she was gone.

  1. Oh hon, I’m so sorry. Even when they’ve lived long, full lives, it’s still hard to let them go…

    • Thank you so much! I truly appreciated your comment! It was right away and made me feel better!!!

      On Fri, Oct 17, 2014 at 12:28 PM, Famille d'Arsenal wrote:

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  2. The Mommy

    So sorry for your loss. I lost my last grandparent, my paternal grandmother, in 2010 quite suddenly. Yes, she was 95 and had dementia, but then she just up and had a heart attack that she couldn’t recover from. It hit me harder than I expected and we shared our birthdays, so I celebrated my birthday “alone” for the first time the following year.

    • How are you???? How are your girls? I haven’t heard from you in forever!!!

      I’m sorry about your grandparent! It is hard, isn’t it?

      On Sat, Oct 18, 2014 at 5:33 AM, Famille d'Arsenal wrote:

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  3. mimsie

    You have some lovely and fun memories to see you through this sad time. So sorry to hear about your grandmother.

    • Thank you! And you are right, there is so much good to remember and be happy about!

      On Sat, Oct 18, 2014 at 7:51 PM, Famille d'Arsenal wrote:

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  4. Our love and support go out to you and you whole family!

  5. So sorry for your loss!! I missed one of my Grandma’s funerals while in Florida and it was SO hard. 😦 My other Grandmother passed away while I was pregnant with P. I still miss her dearly, and dream about her sometimes. Blessings to your family. ❤

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