Posts Tagged With: drama

Surviving Suburbia, Or Not

Suburbia is NOT my American Dream… if such a thing exists. Every dream is different. I either want a 10 foot fence – no too stifling – or wide open spaces…no longer suburbia.

The neighbor came over yesterday to say goodbye. I actually had tears. You see, houses in our neighborhood went up 59 %. You guys, that’s ridiculous. THAT is why they are calling Colorado the next California. The neighbors are leaving because it is SO expensive to live here. Too expensive. A forced moved. We all got the dreaded assessment slips in the mail. Normally I wait to open the mail until I get home, but this time I couldn’t. And it was worse than expected. Unless you want to sell. Since getting our cards in the mail FOUR houses have popped up within walking distance.

It’s hard not to pack up everything and head for the hills. I mean, will our house ever be worth this much? EVER? Probably not. I really just want to pack everything up and LEAVE SUBURBIA. I can’t stand the drunken summer parties and the gossip.

The gossip. You guys. Mud is slung so fast around this place. Nothing is off limits. Then there are the Facebook groups. Who is getting fined for what and who is leaving their shopping carts in the parking lot instead of putting it in the cart return. One woman commented saying, “People who don’t put their carts away probably voted for Trump. They have no souls.” Really? Let’s complain about people who leave their trash cans out and the bears come out to feast. In fact two weeks ago a neighbor’s dog got eaten. We received a notice from the Sheriff to keep our children inside after dark. Let’s complain about THOSE people if we HAVE to. Which we don’t.

We have neighbors that legit walk around with jello-shots on cookie sheets during the summer. With mason jars filled with vodka. All judging my man and I because we don’t want to drink neon gelatin from a Dixie cup. Murmurs of us “thinking we are too good for them” and longtime arguments over a fence can be heard from various states of inebriation.

So it’s hard. It’s hard not to leave the rat race and disappear into obscurity. To sell high and leave all the traffic and drama behind. Buuuuut we won’t, at least not yet. Sometimes you have to do hard things…like pay a HUGE increase in taxes. Listen to gossip around you. And see the “good neighbors” go. To understand that feelings come and go and you can’t make decisions on how you feel. Even though I want to.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE our house and I’m so very thankful I have it to come home to every day. I love having a yard and not hearing neighbors above me. I love the space and the huge bathtub. I absolutely LOVE having an attached garage. And two cars. I truly love my family and THAT is what matters.

Categories: Family | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

The Birds and the Bees

The Birds: I used to like humming birds. Beautiful, shiny little things. Flitting about, sugar loving, iridescent birds. I currently LOVE sitting on the deck. The girls love sitting on the deck. The neighbors love hummingbirds. They feed them. The hummingbirds have become attack birds. Dive bombing. Not afraid. Death birds. Like torpedo your head, fly through your hair killer birds. It is difficult to teach your children to be fearless while I’m screaming in fear of birds IN MY HAIR. I felt ridiculous and only wanted a tennis racket. And seriously? They are like the size of large butterflies. Gag.


The Bees: I’ve never liked bees, yet at the same time I’ve also never been afraid. The worst that can happen is a sting right? Wrong. The worst thing that can happen is having a bee, with a vendetta against your family, trapped in your van, with your children strapped in their safety belts. I even ran away from the van and though I lured it away from the girls, it flew back in when I rushed the drivers seat! I ended up leaving the girls on the curb, speeding around the parking lot and then pulling them in the drivers side door while the bee dive bombed our windows! Seriously? Gooner, while strapped into her booster, nail falling off and bleeding, was stung. At one point we were all screaming and possibly crying. The bee continued to follow us throughout the parking lot and I needed those girls safely out of my lap and in their seats. Stupid bee. And then the rain came.  I have NEVER been so excited to stand in the rain and help my girls. It was tragic. DSCN0606

The Birds and the Bees: Apparently Gooner (5) learned about the actual birds and the bees during show and tell today. One of her friends brought a vet kit for show and tell…Complete with animals…that birth their babies. Thankfully she didn’t understand it all. According to Gooner: “Mommy’s poop our their babies. Some of them have them out of a different hole… where you probably pee from.” Awesome. I’m not sure if I dodged a bullet or not. I’m not certain why the teacher didn’t stop this informational show and tell. I liked the girl that brought her stuffed animal to share better.DSCN0610

Categories: Crazy Town, Education, Gooner, Parenting | Tags: , | Leave a comment

Things Moms and Other Stupid People Say

6. African American Woman: “Did you know that by putting your daughters hair in pig tails you will stunt her hair growth? You need to just let it go wild. Just put in some gel and let her have an afro.” – Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. WELL, maybe if I put up her hair EVERY SINGLE DAY or NEVER took the pig tails  out, but I don’t. But thanks for telling me all about it.

7. One Month Post Baby “I know a woman who is 9 months pregnant and her belly is smaller than yours is right now.” Um, thanks? Why on earth would you tell a woman who JUST GAVE BIRTH – 4 WEEKS AGO – that her belly, to you, looks BIGGER than a woman 9 MONTHS pregnant? Do people not understand that I’m too small for my maternity clothing, yet my body has changed shape and it WILL TAKE TIME to change to a pre baby shape?

8. “3 girls? Oh, bummer huh. Well, at least this saves you from all things ‘penis.’ But you have girls so you don’t even know.” Thank you stranger at the park for your kind words. It would appear I shouldn’t have had a boy OR a girl.

9. Ever heard of Royal Crest Dairy? Yah, well a representative was at our door talking to Q. trying to convince us to order their clearly superior dairy products while our then 2 week old infant was with me in the kitchen. Of course baby 3, er Sissy, let out a loud wail. And then I heard this, “Oh, your wife had a baby? Did you know that drinking whole milk will actually HELP her lose the weight?” Did she just tell Q his wife needed to lose weight? The woman realized her error and began trying to dig herself out of the MASSIVE hole she’d dug herself…but it was pointless. The damage was done.

10. “Oh, you had a boy.”  DSCN0309Clearly.

Categories: Crazy Town, Parenting | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments

Suburbia Pt. One – Advice Please

Q and I now live in Suburbia. Complete with a white fence, or is the colour Egg Shell? We have planted flowers and shrubs. We have neighbors and a yard. All of us are new builds and all of us moved in within 6 months of each other.

Remember that fence? The fences are NOT in when you move in. Nope, all that surrounds your home is clay dirt. It is your job to landscape your yard. Whoever wants a fence puts it up. End of story…right?

No. Almost EVERY neighbor owns a dog. There are only three houses that don’t, and ours is one of them. That being said, we don’t care if there is a fence or not. MONTHS ago our immediate neighbor put up a fence. And MONTHS later -today- the neighbor walked into our garage and asked me why we haven’t yet paid for our part of the fence… Pardon? We NEVER spoke about the fence…EVER. We never agreed to anything. I said as much and she blurted that the fence is mutually beneficial so…

I want to have a good relationship with our neighbors. At the same time I want boundaries. You can’t just decide what we pay for and what we don’t… Right? If they had spoken with us FIRST perhaps, but even so we aren’t interested in a fence.

And now I feel like an adult.



Categories: Crazy Town | Tags: , | 6 Comments

Let the Love Inside You Show!


So, we don’t know the gender of this baby. We have our suspicions since we make girls.  If it is a girl we will be thrilled. If it is a girl we have all the clothing already. If it is a girl we already have a name and SISTERS, and a continuation of my girls. Other people ask if we will keep trying for a boy, as if THAT is why we decided to have this baby in the first place. As if you have to have both to be happy or complete or…be a real mother. GASP. Yup, I’ve had this said to me.

Stereotype based on Mommy’s I’ve met at the park, play dates, church and LIFE… If you only have boys you are a Mom of boys. If you only have girls you are a Mom waiting to have a boy. This is how I feel and I feel annoyed.

Stranger at Target yesterday. “You don’t know the gender? I hope it is a boy. If it is a girl, at least healthy!”

Old Lady. “It is probably a girl. That is probably for the best since girls are easier than boys.”

Friend. “I hope you have a boy so that you understand parenting.”

I could do a whole post devoted to ridiculous quotes by well meaning people. But, rest assured I am a good Mom to two beautiful tutu wearing,


soccer playing…







Team Pink or Team Blue this baby will fit into OUR lives. If YOU disagree on the gender God has given us, you should probably save yourself and stop talking.


Dear Baby,

This family loves you so much and can’t wait to meet you.


Mommy, Daddy and Your Big Sisters!


Categories: Family, Parenting, Pregnancy | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

I Pooped Roses Today!

My facebook feed is full of chronic rose poopers (remember they poop rainbows and roses), chronic complainers, and over sharing mommies. I had a “friend” update EVERY day during her NINE day potty training mission. I’m not sure if she wanted accolades OR a place to complain, but no one else seemed to know what to do as she had 10 likes and no comments. What do you say to, “Yay, he’s only on his FIFTH pair of underwear!”…?

THEN, we have the snow haters. Snow haters in winter. I don’t understand this.  I DO understand when it is supposed to be Spring, and we all are having remaining snow storms, and your pasty skin is CRYING audibly for vitamin D, your children are so stir crazy you find them in bathing suits – in the snow – and you want to rip your hair out, yah, you can post about it.

Selfies.  And I’m not talking about the awesome selfie you took while sky diving or next to the world’s largest tomato. I’m talking about when you CLEARLY spent time on your hair and makeup, AND placed a mysterious pout on your lips with the caption, “I’m fat, single and ugly!”  I know you don’t believe it, and I hate seeing the 80 “likes” encouraging you on your self-deprecating awesomeness.

I COULD hide these people. I could. But, I do care about their other 20% posts…moving jobs, family, babies…

On to better things – like guac. Chipotle is getting rid of it? How can it be too expensive? We pay like 2 dollars EXTRA for a small dollop! Apparently we are “all freaking out for nothing,” but seriously? They already cut EVERY portion they could. They now give you HALF a scoop of rice and glare at you, coupled with an angry sneer, if you dare to ask for more. BUT since they are in the people serving business, they drop a couple more grains in your bowl and move on. Well they move on to the next patron… while YOU move on to the cash register and pay 10$ per grain of rice.

We bought a camera. It is awesome. I need to buy a cord to get the pictures OFF. Better do that before baby comes next MONTH.

Categories: Crazy Town, Friends | Tags: | 2 Comments

Things Mom Say #1-5

“Your daughter isn’t crawling because you hold her too much.” – Um, have we met before? Have you ever seen me rear, parent, mother, encourage, discipline my children? What is your name again? Oh, we’ve never met?

“Your baby is 11 months? You should probably say she is 9 months since she is so little.” – Once again, thank you stranger. I will happily lie about my child’s age henceforth. Maybe it is because I stopped breast feeding her at 10 months. 😉

“Would it be weird if I grabbed your baby and tickled her feet?” -Yes. When you use the word grab and then commence to talk about my children, YES, it is weird. Perhaps next time say, she has cute feet.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m assuming their Dad is black?” – Um, yes…. Is your Dad white? I mean…with the white skin and all…

“Sometimes you just need a teddy bear huh?” – This one was actually funny since I WAS in fact clutching Gooner’s teddybear in my arms…while out and about. I’d forgotten that Gooner had handed him to me…

*THINK before you speak.*

Categories: Crazy Town, Parenting | Tags: , , , | 6 Comments

The Neighbor: Part III

Honestly guys, I thought we were passed the neighbor drama. We stopped hanging out. She stopped texting. I thought we were “good.”

APPARENTLY we aren’t. FOR. THE. LOVE. Drama annoys me. Drama at this stage of the baby waiting game could push me over. I am not rational this pregnant. REPEAT, I am not rational. All my friends and loved ones are on high alert. If I say something dumb to you, PLEASE forgive me. If we mis-communicate it is most likely MY fault. I TAKE THE BLAME.

So the other day I was out scooping snow (don’t worry Gooner was helping me and TWO neighbors were out to witness the preggo scooping snow) and I saw the neighbor. Our kids saw each other first and since children are mostly forgiving and free from weirdo sterotypes they were eager to yell hello and cheer and, you know, do kid stuff. I called out a friendly hello!

The Neighbor stuck up her chin and looked the other way. She couldn’t even tell me hello back. REALLY? Whatev…so I moved on. I was hoping we could be civil, but if we can’t then we can’t.

So YESTERDAY I get a text asking if I have her son’s train. I didn’t – we haven’t played together since the incident. And she then ACCUSED me of finding it and putting it on our sidewalk so that I wouldn’t have to see her. I told her that was mean and I wouldn’t do that. And she responded with “LOL, either way. Are you getting ready for baby?”

And I felt like crying. I’m not the one with the problem here! I hate accusations and I hate people assuming the worst. And I don’t want to hate my neighbor, but she’s making it more and more difficult to get along with her! I honestly don’t want to argue with her, especially over text message. Ugh, honestly, I just can’t handle it. Not right now, probably not ever.

She also told me they are moving out of the country. Enter a calming, relaxing, smile.

Categories: Friends | Tags: | 10 Comments

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